Signs You're Older Now...

-You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
-You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
-Your back goes out more than you do.
-You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.
-You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
-You are proud of your lawn mower.
-Your best friend is dating someone half their age... and isn't breaking any laws.
-You call Olan Mills before they call you.
-Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
-You sing along with the elevator music.
-You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
-You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
-You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
-You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
-You make an appointment to see the dentist.
-You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
-Neighbors borrow your tools.
-People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
-You have dreams about prunes.
-You answer a question with "because I said so!"
-You send money to PBS.
-The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
-You take a metal detector to the beach.
-You wear black socks with sandals.
-You know what the word "equity" means.
-You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
-Your ears are hairier than your head.
-You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
-You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
-You got cable for the weather channel.
-You go bowling without drinking.
-You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

I am not old....these facts prove